Stuart is an artist who lives in a castle ruin in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in England. After painting Prince Philip naked in 2003 he has been on the run and in hiding from MI5. He used to be plagued by an existential void due to his conception in the mid-1970s by anonymous donor insemination. But then he found his Father in 2019 and now they are great friends.

He once met former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown in J.K.Rowling's kitchen whilst she was making him a salmon sandwich. The salmon was, perhaps surprisingly, from a tin.

Stuart has two children, six chickens and two sheep.